Hey y'all -
Let me start by reminding you that I was raised an only child. Siblings in general are a mystery to me, and I'm just now learning how different two children in the same family can be. And I know I'm wading into dangerous territory even commenting on your similarities and differences, so let me first assure you I love you both to the moon and back.
A few months ago, my friend Will asked me, "Which of your children brings you greater joy?" I told him it was a completely unfair question that I didn't even want to entertain. He said, "It's Hagen, right?" I thought about it for a second, and then realized that you two bring me equal amounts of joy, just in different ways. Yes, Hagen is amazing - more so every day. But making him happy is a little like beating Vanderbilt; it's awesome, but it ain't that hard. Laney's a harder sell, and when you've truly made her happy, you get that "ping" feeling in the middle of your chest like you've just whacked a golf ball 200 yards straight toward the tee. Equal amounts of happy - Hagen's is just more spread out.
Last week was Parent/Teacher Conference Day at your school. We've been down this road before with Laney, but this was to be Hagen's first conference since he's only recently been moved up to the 2 year-old program. The morning of Conference Day, I woke up with a bad case of pink eye. There's nothing worse in the preschool universe - nothing that will make other parents treat you like you have a case of bubonic plague like pink eye. [I was going to put a joke here about how being the person at a preschool with pink eye is like being the person at a swinger's party with gonorrhea, but then decided against it because this is a family blog.]
Your dad was going to have to go to school alone to meet with the teachers and represent Team Burbach. This stressed me out, because Thor's not big on remembering details or repeating conversations or caring about minutiae. He's also known for burying the lede, like when we decided to get married on the spur of the moment at the court house in downtown Missoula, and I suggested he call his brother Nate in case Nate wanted to drive over after work to be a witness. He dialed Nate's number on his cell phone, and when Nate picked up, Thor said, "Hey, man. (pause) Not much. What's going on with you?" I had to remind your dad that he was calling Nate to say WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, which would probably trump anything Nate had going on that afternoon.
Sure enough, I called your dad after the conferences were over and asked, "How did it go? Tell me EVERYTHING." "Laney's awesome. Hagen needs work." The end.
After more prodding and interrogation, we learned that Laney gets along great with her friends and loves social activities and excels at art and isn't very interested in math and spends most of recess standing at the top of the swing set on the playground singing the power ballad from "Frozen." So basically, I could have photocopied my progress report from preschool 1979 (substituting Barbara Mandrell for "Frozen") and saved Thor a trip.
We learned that Hagen likes things quiet and controlled, and likes to take a basket of blocks over to a corner and be left alone to build. He'll sit with the teacher at circle time and participate in whatever activity she's leading, but when it's free play time, you're not going to find him in the midst of any mayhem - he's going to be over in the corner doing his own thing. When lunch is over, he wants to jump up from the table and get back to whatever he was working on. Apparently, an older girl in his class warned him at lunch the other day, "Hagen, we have to wait for our friends." And Hagen said, "No tinks. 'on't want to," and moseyed away to his blocks. Thor reported, "The teacher says that he needs to work on 'using his words,' but if he doesn't want to talk to those people, I don't see the point." So, yeah, we could have Xeroxed Thor's progress report from 1978 and called it a day.
In summary: Laney remains a constant source of entertainment and happiness. And to Hagen, I say, nobody ever conquered the world by committee. If you want to go over in the corner and invent the next iPhone while everyone else is eating Play Doh, you go right ahead. Chase your own peace and joy - I have found mine in you.
Love you both. Separate, but equal.
Love,
Mom
