Hey, y'all,
I know...I know...It's been so long since I updated the blog that it's almost cruel that I'm still talking about summer while there's a foot of snow outside, but there are a few things here I don't want to forget. Don't worry - it's my New Year's resolution to get caught up and that's not
just because I got a card in the mail from Caroline Nelson of Montgomery, Alabama suggesting that her husband Harry would appreciate it if I'd rediscover my work ethic. I fear a Methodist uprising, so I'm back at it.
Heidi and her children Hope and Rhett headed back to Georgia. I tried to take a picture of y'all on the day they left, but BEHOLD THE HUMIDITY:
You could cut it with a foam sword.
Peg Peg taught Laney how to play "Heart and Soul" on the piano, which for some reason reminds me of the time my friend Amy's mom was getting ready to have us over for dinner last summer and she asked Amy, "Does Brooke drink?" and Amy replied, "As much as she needs to."
Hagen had no interest in going to the Disney water parks, so I took Laney while Peg Peg took Hagen back to Epcot. He wanted to learn more about boring outer space and Laney wanted to hurl herself down something tall.
They had a water ninja course. I watched lots of kids fall in, but when Laney's foam iceberg slipped out from under her feet, she held on to the ropes and monkey bar-ed it across. "THAT WAS AMAZING!!" I yelled. "BUT I WASN'T SHOOTING, SO I NEED YOU TO DO IT AGAIN SO I CAN SHOW YOUR DAD!"
Meanwhile, after I had assured Peg Peg that Hagen would be no trouble at all and would certainly be manageable at a theme park, he got in line for a ride and suffered a sudden onset gusher of a nosebleed and Peg Peg had to drag him into a bathroom to staunch the bleeding and then to a gift shop to buy him a new shirt. Standing there in a shirt covered in blood at the Disney gift shop, he lectured her on how he does NOT wear shirts with characters on them, and he needs something that's plain solid, and failing that - something that is at least symmetrical. Peg Peg does not drink, but word on the street is she's reconsidering that policy.
A few days later, we all went to The Crayola Experience, which I don't especially recommend unless you and I are enemies and sending you to a crowded, overpriced facility where children scream about crafts would tickle me, in which case - go.
But holy moly, the WORST place we went was Legoland. Hagen loves LEGO (because the bricks are both solid and symmetrical). The kids and I talked several times over the course of the trip about the nature of a successful family vacation: everyone gets to take a turn picking an activity that everyone else thinks is a pain in the butt. This was Hagen's thing.
The mistake we made was going to Legoland after Disney. Disney is run like a swiss watch with a smile on its face. They have the boarding and disembarking of rides down to an actual science. Legoland is more like that scene in "Animal House" when they synchronize their watches and everyone's reads 11:00 except for Blutarsky's which is at 5:37. The posted wait times at Legoland are meaningless. Thirty minutes, an hour...whatever. They make you stow all personal items in a cubby, but to get to the cubby, everyone has to walk through their roller coaster seat, stow their stuff and come back while the next 300 people watch.
A one day ticket to Disney and a one day ticket to Legoland COST THE SAME, but it's like Legoland is Disney's sad, unemployed cousin who everyone hopes doesn't catch a ride to the reunion.
We decided to try the boat ride. There are no ride descriptions in the brochure. I told the kids "I don't think we'll get wet. Let's chance it." Hagen looked at me like I was dumber than a box of rocks and said, "I think I'm just gonna put on this raincoat." Sure enough, this ride DUMPS water on your head, then takes you out in public where spectators (who are going to hell) get to hose you down while you're belted in with nowhere to go.
The ride ended, and Hagen was all dry and all smiles, while Laney and I squelched our way around the rest of the day.
Hagen got to drive the kid cars, but couldn't seem to grasp steering, so an employee kept having to pull him off the wall. Smart enough to bring a raincoat to a theme park on a 100-degree day, but can't grasp the purpose of a steering wheel. He's a mystery.
I don't need to tell y'all - you LOVED it. Hagen is still talking about it, months later. I'm so glad you had a great time, but I would hire an intern to take you before I'd ever step foot in that place again.
So that was Florida: Fun. Hot. Humid. Memorable. Humid.
Love,
Mom
