Aloha

Hey, y'all -

Again this year, the Navy assigned Thor to attend a three-week training exercise at Pearl Harbor / Hickham AFB in Honolulu, Hawaii. I wasn't going to go, because I didn't like the idea of leaving you guys behind for more than a few days, but I didn't like the idea of spending that much money on a plane ticket only to be there for such a short time.  If you want to go somewhere that it takes a full day to get to, you want to BE there a while, you know? Then, on a date night just a few weeks before your dad was going to head out, I looked up from my beer (red flag) and said to your dad, "What if we ALL go?" We decided that I would fly with y'all down to Hawaii and join your dad for 12 days in the middle of his stint, and we would make a family vacation out of it.

Your dad met us at the airport with a lei for each of his girls.

We drove around the island, checking out the amazing landscape. Typical of Hagen, we could be at a lookout with a view like this...

...and he would be over at the retaining wall, wondering, "Now, is 'dis where the water drains out?" He's big on getting to the bottom of how things are made and why. That hole in the wall is WAY more interesting than a rain forest.

While I'm thinking about it, let me just say: I lived in Los Angeles for 12 years. I have been to Mardi Gras. But I have never in my life dealt with crowds on the street like they have in Waikiki. I have lived in Alabama and Georgia, but that did not prepare me for the sweltering heat and humidity of Oahu in July. And it's around-the-clock... there's no "Let's get up at 5am and do that hike before it gets hot!" because at 5am, it's already 90 and now you're just sweating in the dark. 

One day, the traffic getting out of Waikiki was so bad that I started doing some research in the passenger seat, and discovered that the island of Oahu and the state of Montana have approximately the same population...but you could fit 257 Oahus inside Montana. Oahu has 2000 people per square mile. Montana has 8. 

Moving on. 

THE BEACH

We went to 6 or 7 different beaches around the island and loved them. There's everything from dramatic rocky coastlines to smooth white sandy beaches like you'd see on a postcard. The water is a dazzling array of shades of blue. 

Laney learned to swim on this vacation - she had to, if she was going to continue her snorkeling career. If you asked me my favorite activity from the whole trip, it would be the day we all went to Turtle Bay and Laney and I went snorkeling together. There's a little reef right off the shore, and Laney and I decided to swim out to it. I swam with one arm and pulled her in her lifejacket with the other. "If you have something you want to tell me, just squeeze my hand and we'll come up and talk," I told her. Almost immediately after putting our faces in the water, I would feel a squeeze. I would have to come up, take the snorkel out of my mouth, tread water, help her stay upright and ask, "What is it?" And she'd say, "I saw a fish!" Since there were hundreds of fish on the reef, we got to repeat this sequence a lot. But seeing those fish while holding her hand was magic.  

That was the night that she was so exhausted, she ate half a plate of lasagna and keeled over sideways, falling asleep before her head hit my lap.

Hagen was kind of at a loss for what to do with himself at the beach the first few days. He does not like sand on his feet. He does not like being in the sun. Then, his whole vacation turned around when we bought him a Finding Nemo inner tube at the base exchange. He put that thing on and rarely took it off for ten days. He was perfectly content to float in the water and just be. In fact, if you tried to hang on to his tube to keep him with the group or to steer him in a direction, he would holler, "BE PATIENT TO ME! LET ME GO OUT TO SEA!" More than once, Thor had to yell, "DUDE! A 99-cent Nemo float is NOT a sea-worthy vessel!"

I don't know where that "Be patient to me" thing came from. Also on this vacation, Laney told him she was tired of singing the theme song to "Fireman Sam" with him, and he told her, "I am very disappoint to you."

More than once, the whole family would be walking along the shore, and Hagen would make a sharp turn to the side and walk right into the ocean by himself with his little Nemo float. We'd have to wade in and fish him out. One time, he walked into a big wave that knocked him back and when he came up sputtering, he said, "Woo! That wiped me out!"

We went swimming in the ocean every day for hours.

THE RAINFOREST

Breathtaking beauty. Blood-stealing mosquitos. 

Hot, hot, sticky, sweaty. 

Rude tourists. 

Hey, look: A waterfall. 

The end. 

THE LUAU

[Dear Reader, if you're considering a trip to Oahu, my very first piece of advice would be: join the military.* It's the only way this place is affordable. The (cheap but lovely) military resort right on the beach has its own (cheap but fabulous) luau right next to its (cheap and convenient) Exchange.]

On a whim, we got last-minute tickets to the military resort's luau. I had read online that there were activities for kids if you arrived an hour before dinner was served. They weren't kidding. You two made lei bracelets and palm crowns and had a ukelele lesson and learned how to twirl poi balls and watched a guy climb a palm tree. We didn't even make it to the hula lesson or the temporary tattoos.

By the time we'd done all those activities and the eaten a big plate of shoyu chicken and kahlua pig and mahi mahi and fried rice and papaya salad and a tempura banana, we were DONE and needed to head home to the hotel to lie down. We didn't even SEE the dang show, and still felt like we got our money's worth. 

* Obviously, don't do it for this reason. 

THE ZOO AND THE AQUARIUM

Our vacation went a little off the rails in our final week when the Navy told your dad he'd be working the night shift. This meant - with traffic - he had to leave every evening at 5pm, and we wouldn't see him again 'til the next morning at 6:30am. He usually walked in the door as we were waking up. To make sure he got at least SOME sleep, I usually loaded you two up for some kind of adventure for the first half of the day while he stayed behind to rest. I had to keep our outings manageable...I wasn't going to take two small children bodysurfing by myself, for example. 

But the Zoo and the Aquarium? Totally do-able. 

One hot afternoon, we walked down to the beachside Dairy Queen, where Hagen was having such a good time that complete strangers stopped to take a picture of him, and a group of surfers walking by with their boards said, "Get after it, bro!"

 Also tried the local shave ice, of course.

We even drove out to the stadium early one morning to go to the Aloha Swap Meet where each of you got to pick out a Hawaiian outfit ($30 at the gift shops in town, 3 for $20 at the Swap Meet).

    

CHARACTER BREAKFAST AT DISNEY'S AULANI RESORT

Because Peg Peg said we had to. 

All joking aside, it was a really special morning. Hagen had his toy fire engine with him, and Mickey got down on his hands and knees and rolled it around. Laney had drawn a portrait of Minnie, and presented it to her at breakfast. Minnie seemed touched.  Hagen and Goofy didn't just hug - they hugged like long-lost buddies who'd been separated against their will. 

 AND ONE MORE RANDOM THING

Hagen fell asleep in the stroller one night, and we decided it would be a great opportunity to get a little wild with dinner. We went to a sushi restaurant where all of the food offerings passed by our table on a conveyor belt. You could choose whatever you wanted from the rotating options and pay by the color-coded plate when all was said and done and eaten.

Your dad and I ended up eating a lot of Laney's impulse selections (corn and mayo wrapped in seaweed, for example).

You could even use a touch-screen to order deep-fried items that would come zooming to your table on an elevated track in a little wooden race car. You'd take off your plate, hit the "return" button, and it would go zooming back to the kitchen.

Laney LOVED it.

Yes, Spam is really a thing there. 

WHAT I'LL REMEMBER MOST

You guys were just so darn GREAT with each other down there. 

When Hagen ran out of water at snack time, Laney gave him half of hers. She held his hand so he never got lost. When he wasn't tall enough to see the jellyfish at the aquarium, she picked him up so he could see. 

You made up games for the hotel room when your dad had gone to work and I had run out of steam and just couldn't do another activity. You snuggled on the sofa bed and watched movies. You were both just so kind to each other that you honestly made this trip possible.

And on the airplane home, Hagen offered to share his lollipop with Laney, which is thoroughly disgusting, but also really sweet.

 I'll need a little more time to recover, but this will definitely be a vacation we'll never forget.

 Cue the slideshow:

Love,

Mom

P.S. All of the photos from this trip are HERE, in case that's the kind of thing you're into.

Deep Love In The Shallow End

Kindergarten, A-Z

Dear Laney,

For the last 26 days of the school year, your class did an "A to Z" countdown. Each day - for 26 days - there was a different theme that required some kind of activity or costume ("'P' is for Pajamas!") and was fun but frankly exhausting.

You're someone who dresses herself in ensembles like this for a NORMAL day of school:

Yes, that is an animal-print scarf from Talbot's on the left. Yes, that is a gold lame purse on the right. But then all of a sudden, "'C' is for Cowboys and Cowgirls," and we have to up our game. 

"F" was for "Field Day"

I forget which letter sent us on the Field Trip to the Smokejumper Center. Every kid tried to prove he or she could do the required 7 pull-ups to qualify for Smokejumper duty. They mostly focused on the pulls-ups portion of qualifying for the job, vs the "willing to hurl yourself out of a plane towards a raging wildfire with a chainsaw strapped to your back" part.

"R" was for Run, and you ran laps around the school to raise money for the PTA. I walked up to the school with Hagen in a stroller so we could cheer you on. Your teacher saw Hagen and invited him to run with the class, so Hagen did a quarter mile with you in his little Crocs. 

 

"S" was for Silly Pictures. I asked Mrs. Hosman what she normally did for silly pictures, and she said, "Take a picture of each kid with my iPhone." I told her I could do something a little more fun if she was into the idea, so on "S" day,  I hauled my backdrop and some lights and two laundry hampers of dress-up clothes to the school and we did a funny photo booth. I ended up doing pictures of every kid in every kindergarten class at the school. It was honestly great fun.

 

One of the last days of school was reserved for a reading performance. (Maybe "'T' for Theatre?") and your dad and I got to go to the classroom to see a reader's theatre production of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. You played the moon. Your line was: "Look, an egg!"

"Z" was for "Zip Away To First Grade," which I am not emotionally prepared to process just yet, because I am "'S' for Shocked At How Fast The Time Is Going," and "'N' for Nostalgic For That Eleven Pound Newborn I Had Just Yesterday," while also totally "'P' For Proud As Heck."

Love,

Mom

The Tooth Fairy Can't Catch A Break

Dear Laney,

A few weeks ago, we were invited over to our friend Correy's house for dinner. As usual, you went upstairs to play with her daughter Abby. Fun night had by all.

Then...

The next morning, Correy texted me pictures of Abby's room. Seems the two of you decided to draw on Abby's bedroom walls with crayon. I was mortified, because you know better. I offered to march you right over there to help clean it up, but they were on their way out of town. Instead, I told you that you would need to use your tooth fairy money to buy Miss Correy some Magic Erasers to scrub the crayon off her walls.

You marched to the trampoline, zipped yourself in the safety net, and started dramatically sobbing. Your dad and I rolled our eyes, because if one is going to have an emotional meltdown, a trampoline in the middle of the yard is a ridiculous choice. I mean, I don't consider myself a mental health expert, but I'm pretty sure that if you're truly despondent, you don't go looking for an elevated stage.

You covered your eyes with your arms and wailed to the neighborhood things like, "I could have bought SO MUCH HOT CHOCOLATE with that money!" It would not surprise me if I one day discovered that our backyard neighbors have a live Twitter feed on occasions like this. #FirstWorldProblems. #FreeLaney.

 You came in from the trampoline an hour later, and told your dad, "I think this other tooth is loose now." And he reached in your mouth AND PULLED IT OUT. You grinned. "Now I don't have to give up all my tooth fairy money, because I have NEW tooth fairy money."

$#!%.

The tooth fairy can't catch a break.

The next morning, you sat down and wrote an apology note to Correy:

"I am sorry that I drew on your walls. Laney"

You folded it up and put it in an envelope, and were supposed to include a $5 bill for Magic Erasers. As we were headed out the door to school, I happened to ask, "Hey - where's that $20 that Peg Peg and Tex sent you to sponsor your Fun Run?" "Oh," you said, "I couldn't find that five-dollar bill, so I just put the twenty in there."

"WE ARE NOT GIVING MISS CORREY TWENTY DOLLARS." What I didn't scream, but wanted to: "I can't BELIEVE you spent an hour sobbing in a damn trampoline over five dollars, just so you could turn around and give up twenty because you're too lazy to walk upstairs."

Of course, we all know how this story ends. Miss Correy invited us out for ice cream two days later, and magically pulled the $5 out of her purse and used it to buy you a large cone. 

#IGiveUp. 

Love,

Mom

Piddle Boarding

Hey y'all - 

Last year, your dad bought a paddle board, and we all fell in love with it, so this year, we bought a second one and have spent all of our spare time so far this summer on the water. We've paddled on two rivers, two lakes and two ponds, and I usually do it with one or two young'uns hanging off the front of my board, so I've had to become competent in a hurry. In fact, one day last summer, Hagen climbed on my board, laid face-down on the front half, declared, "I go night-night," and let his arms drag in the water on either side of the board as he fell asleep and we continued down the river. "THOR!!," I said, "What if he rolls off into the river?!?" "Don't worry," your dad said. "He'll be moving at the same speed as your board, so you can just scoop him back up." Not one to panic, your dad. 

Through knowledge gained from our many outings, it's possible I have invented a new version of the sport that I like to call "Piddle Boarding." In my version, you get to sit down on the board with a cold beverage balanced between your legs. It was such a pain to balance a drink and a kid and paddle with the customary long paddle (because I'd have to swing the paddle up and over your heads with every stroke) that your dad bought me a two-bladed kayak paddle to make it easier for me to sit. 

A few weeks ago, we went to Salmon Lake with some very athletic/competitive friends of ours, who suggested we have a paddle board relay race around the buoys at the lake. Somehow, for my leg, I was pitted against your dad. I don't know what got into me, but I really, REALLY wanted to beat him. I got down on my knees on the paddleboard so I could get the paddle deep in the water, and I hauled ass. I cornered around that buoy like it was my JOB. And I beat your dad, fair and square. I possibly pulled muscles in both thighs because I couldn't walk right for three days after, but note that on June 12th at approximately 12:30pm, I beat your dad at something. 

Laney loves going on these adventures, because she likes swimming and loves the water and usually gets to invite a friend along and they spend all day pretending to be pirates or mermaids or pirate mermaids as their parents paddle them around.

Hagen loves these outings, not because he likes swimming (he doesn't) or because he loves loves to get wet (he hates it), but because he really likes to sit on the shore and consume roughly 5000 calories from the cooler before passing out on a blanket.

 So...that's what we've been doing in our spare time.

Ahoy!
Mom