Who's That Baby In My Swing?

Dear Laney,

Last night, Brooke, Todd and Cedar came over for dinner and it was super fun, as always. While your dad was manning the grill, you got to hang out in the backyard and play with Cedar.

Then, we came inside and ate, and you entertained Cedar as she hung out in your old swing.

I'm sure you were wondering who this little baby was, and why she was hanging out in your swing. And I'm sure Cedar was wondering why the heck her parents keep loading her up and taking her to That Place Where The Big Scary Baby Pokes Me In The Face.

At least, that's what I imagine her internal monologue is here:

Obviously, we need a few hundred more iterations of "Gentle! Gentle!"

Love,

Mom

Bring Me The Shrimp Fork. It Amuses Me.

Dear Laney,

Your dad and I have noticed lately that when we finish dinner, you really seem to enjoy playing with our forks and spoons. So, last night, I decided to give you your own shrimp fork - it was the closest thing I had on hand that was roughly the right size for you.

What? Of COURSE I have shrimp forks. I have 12 of them.

Because you never know when a dozen people might come over and demand shellfish, that's why. And the Southern hostess in me would hate to have to tell them no.

That's not crazy, it's just PREPARED.

I don't need to tell you how well this fork situation is working out. Your father's love of tools and my love of food have combined in you to create a perfect storm of meal consumption.

Love,

Mom

Toothapalooza

Dear Laney,

You've been cutting teeth left and right the past week, and our current total is 3 and a half on the bottom, one and a half on top.

Steak for everybody!

Love,

Mom

Today's Important Lessons

Dear Laney,

Here are some things we discovered today:

1) The Children's Museum defines "toddler" in re: its Toddler Play Group as "kids who are obviously in the second grade and can probably write in cursive." I know, I know. I need to get over my personal aversion to the museum, since you love it so much. I will probably feel the same way when you insist on blasting the latest single from the Hannah Montana of 2023.

2) Your mom doesn't have infinite purchasing power, and has very few liquid assets:

I know. I'm as shocked as you are.

3) Chocolate is divine....

4) ...until there's no more left on the plate. And depression sets in.

We should probably keep this chocolate thing to ourselves because you're in no way supposed to be eating it. I won't tell Dr. Hoover if you won't. And if she asks us point blank at your next appointment, we'll look at each other and pretend we no speaka tha English.

Love,

Mom

Thinking Outside The Box. Walking Outside The Basket.

Dear Laney,

This was an unanticipated perk of Laundry Day:

Love,

Mom

The Children's "Museum"

Dear Laney,

I think I've written before about the Children's Museum of Missoula, and how it should be called "Five Random Rooms Filled With Assorted Nonsense Found At Yard Sales"... but they probably didn't go with that name because it would be harder to print on a brochure.

Of course, my lack of reverence shouldn't squelch your fun, and you sure do seem to love the place.

So today, I took you there for an afternoon visit, and even paid for an annual membership... because seeing you in moments like these makes the time and expense totally worth it:

Love,

Mom

P.S. When I said "Don't lick the chalk!" the first 80 times, you must have thought I was kidding.

It Was Bound To Happen

Dear Laney,

I understand. Sometimes, inspiration meets opportunity and you just can't help yourself.

Now roll it back up.

Love,

Mom

A Big Milestone (Sorta).

Dear Laney,

Three times today, you have been able to stand all by yourself - without so much as a pinky on the coffee table. In each case, though, you stood as long as you didn't realize you were standing without my help. As soon as you looked down and discovered you were balancing on your own, you got scared and plopped down.

This is just like in the old Wile E Coyote cartoons, when he would run off of a cliff in midair and be perfectly fine until he noticed there wasn't any ground beneath him. Then, he'd freefall into the gorge. You, on the other hand, have no gorge to be concerned with, only an 8 inch drop onto a padded diaper. But maybe to you, they seem like the same thing right now.

Peg Peg says we could kick this walking program into high gear if I'd be willing to stand two feet in front of you with a cheese plate.

Love,

Mom

You Might Be A Redneck If...

Dear Laney,

We've hit a new redneck low at our house: We have a yard mattress.

Thanks to our recent purchases at Nate and Brynn's yard sale, we're in the process of upgrading all of our beds. As a result, we ended up with a mattress in the front yard.

The classy part of me hopes your dad loads it up and gets it out of here tout de suite.

The other 98% of me says - hey, look! - yard mattress!

Love,

Mom

Liking the Library

Dear Laney,

Yesterday, you and I went to the Missoula Public Library. You were the only kid in the children's section, so you got to cruise around, pulling books off the shelves, which you thought was great fun. And I got to follow right behind you, filing them back where they belong per the Dewey decimal system. Less fun for me.

And we checked out your first library book: DON'T LET THE PIGEON DRIVE THE BUS.

I hope this is the first of many library visits for us.

Love,

Mom

The July Recap

Dear Laney,

I've been a little negligent with the blog this week. In fact, I'm surprised we haven't gotten any complaint letters from the citizens of Dooly County. So, to appease some readers who may think I've given up on it entirely, I present this re-cap of everything you've been up to this month so they'll see what I'm doing with my spare time instead of blogging.

Mostly, I'm cleaning up cheese-related activities. See:

You've been a ton of fun this month, that's for sure.

Love,

Mom

The Best Kind of Picnic

Dear Laney:

What fun: Cheese and crackers. In a tent. In the living room.

You thought the living room picnic was already a pretty nifty event, and then THIS was the moment you discovered that you could just dip your appetizer spreader into the cheese, and cut the cracker business out altogether:

And that's when this picnic really took off for you.

Love,

Mom

P.S. A thank-you to Grandma Sue who left behind this gourmet - and probably very expensive - box of crackers that is now in 800 soggy pieces on our floor.

A Fond Farewell To The Tetz/Erikson/Johnson Party

Dear Laney.

Well, that's the end of the in-law onslaught. Your grandmother had to head home yesterday, and your great-grandfather and great-aunt left early this morning.

We had such a great visit with them. In fact, here are some things we love about the Tetz clan:

They make excellent babysitters, and do not charge overtime. Even better, they do not charge uh-tall. (That's how your Canadian great-grandfather pronounces "at all.")

They will even make up funny songs and try to teach you the names of your body parts in Spanish. I've already forgotten them, so I hope you remember.

They can single-handedly keep the world's bread, wine and chocolate producers in business.

They clean your house and water your plants when you're not looking. Like magical elves who really like carbs.

We miss them already and are so glad we got a chance to spend some of our summer with them. Here are a few photos for the road:

Love,

Mom

Take Me To The River

Dear Laney,

Yesterday, we loaded up and went to the Clark Fork River.

It was a beautiful day, and just like anything else you're allowed to do without pants, you enjoyed it tremendously.

You splashed in the water and sampled the sand and treated all of Alberton like your own personal nudist colony:

And when it was time to load up and go home, we couldn't find your dry change of clothes, so you got to wear one of my shirts. It looked great on you, even with all the teething cracker goo

you added to the front.

Love,

Mom

P.S. I appreciate Grandma Sue being such a good sport about letting me post all of these bathing suit photos on the internet. It helps that I didn't ask her permission first.

My Daughter In The Water

Dear Laney,

This morning, we got up at the crack of dawn (your favorite time of day) to ride into town and help Nate and Brynn with their yard sale. Mostly, we helped by being their best customers, and we're now the proud owners of some patio furniture, a filing cabinet, some track lighting, etc. What we learned is that your dad and I can't be trusted in a retail environment, even if that retail environment is Nate and Brynn's driveway.

After the yard sale, we went with all the visiting Tetzes to the Frenchtown Pond. Your Grandma Sue and I thought you'd like to try out your new inner tube. For a while, you seemed to think it was super cool, but when it came time to get you out, that inner tube held onto your baby thighs like a dog holds on to ham.

Thanks to some persistent wiggling and twisting and tugging on our part, you won't have to enroll in college while still wearing this inner tube. But just in case, the next time we try it out, we're going to bring along some WD-40. After all, it would be hard to find a prom dress to go over that thing.

Love,

Mom

You Know Who's A Sucker?

Dear Laney,

You know who's a sucker? Everyone you're related to, apparently.

Today, the whole group of us went into town and had lunch with Nate and Brynn at Mackenzie River Pizza. You got a cheese pizza all to yourself, and then Nate let you take all of the ice cubes out of his drink - one by one - and taste-test them.

Then, Grandma Sue and Nancy took you to TJ Maxx, where they picked out all sorts of wonderful toys that you desperately needed. And by "desperately needed," I mean "happened to not already own."

We came home, where Nancy got in the baby pool with you to play with some of your new toys, (I'm telling you - she's committed)...

...and Grandma Sue assembled your new SUPER COOL ADVENTURELAND TUNNEL OF NEON AWESOMENESS. Ok, that's not really what it's called, but it might as well be.

And, since you're the center of our little universe, you got to hear FOUR adults yelling "Don't eat it!" every time you picked up a rock. And each time, you would look at all of us with an expression that said "But it's sooo tasty," as you eased that rock towards your mouth.

After dinner, you and Nancy got out your new number magnets, and your dad made some geeky jokes about the Fibonacci Sequence. Since you were busy sucking on the magnets, I assume you were ignoring him like I was.

What a great day for you!

Love,

Mom

I Have No Follow-Up Questions

Dear Laney,

Your great-grandfather Ron, your great-aunt Nancy and your Grandma Sue all arrived this afternoon for a five-day vacation at our little piece of mountain heaven. Because I am such an excellent hostess, I dropped you like a hot potato into your Grandma's lap and hit the door running as soon as they got here. You see, I hadn't had a haircut in over a year, and your Tetz relatives offered to watch you while I met Brynn for an afternoon of beauty.

Apparently, you did not feel like taking a nap while I was gone, so Sue and Nancy walked you around in your stroller until you fell asleep, then propped you up in the kitchen to finish your nap (with a little help from my spatula drawer).

I found these pictures on my camera today. Now, this is not how we normally do things, but my hair turned out great, I enjoyed a nice night on the town with your aunt and uncle, and I don't blame Sue and Nancy for fighting back against your anti-nap tyranny the only way they knew how.

Applause all around.

Love,

Mom

To Whom Should I Address This Package?

Laney Viesturs

Dear Laney,

There's a mountaineer that your dad really admires named Ed Viesturs. Viesturs is known for climbing the world's steepest, tallest and most dangerous peaks. Viesturs is the kind of person I never would have heard of before I met your dad. Kinda like if he hadn't met me, he wouldn't be aware that Paula Deen exists, or that she's trying to kill him with butter.

Tonight was just like any other night; you were helping your dad stir the mashed potatoes...

After you ate a big helping of barbecued trout and potatoes and corn, you crawled over to the bottom of our staircase and looked up. And like Viesturs probably does every time he's at base camp, you seemed to have a moment when you thought, "I bet I could do this..." And you started climbing.

You have never shown any interest in climbing a single stair, but tonight, you climbed the first five, then stopped on the landing to look at us. I think you were as shocked as we were.

Then, you hung a right and climbed the next seven. You went all the way up up up until you were upstairs in your room.

You're bouncing off the walls now - your dad says it's because you're jacked up on freedom. Or maybe it's just the thin air at such high elevations.

Love,

Mom

P.S. Tomorrow's agenda: Install baby gates.