Giraffe On The Loose

Hey y'all -

On our second morning in Spokane, Peg and Tex laid up in their hotel room on the verge of death, suffering from a cocktail of congestion, insomnia, headache, fatigue and Chuck E's Revenge; only 3 out of 5 of those symptoms were caused by my children.

While they faked an illness so they could watch TV in peace rested, your dad and I took you to the Mobius Children's Museum. It's a lovely facility that obviously doesn't adhere to any sort of fire code, because there were umpteen hundred children crammed into one underground play area. It was a wild sea of miniature screeching humanity. I made my way through the discovery areas, trying not to step on any of the ricocheting children. "This," I thought, "must be what it feels like to be Godzilla."

We spent most of our time in the baby play area, not because Hagen was the birthday boy and we were there to make him happy, but because that was the least populated corner of the museum and gave us the smallest chance of being trampled.

I noticed that there was a coat rack in the far corner of the baby area where they'd hung some dress-up clothes and costumes. There was a giraffe outfit in Laney's size, so I pulled it out and helped Laney into it. Your dad thanked me then for expanding your world view by introducing you to new activities and opportunities for experiential play. I forget exactly what he said, but it was something like: "When she gets head lice, it's on you."

Laney played with every baby in the baby area, helping them find toys, climb the treehouse, etc.

The only baby who wasn't impressed was Hagen, who - like his dad - just wanted to get the heck out of there. 

Off to check Laney for creepy-crawlies...

Love,

Mom

And A Rodent Shall Carry The Plague

Dear Hagen,

As threatened, we left the house last Thursday and headed out for the closest Chuck E Cheese's, in Spokane Valley, WA. For the trip, we had rented a Chevy Traverse with bench seating. I only mention it here by name because it was the single crappiest vehicle I have ever had the displeasure of traveling in, designed by people who have never met a child.  If any of our readers might be in the market for a new family car, I want to warn them accordingly. You have to pull the second row of seats forward to climb into the back, but instead of the back of the seat coming forward like it's done in every car since the time of Henry Ford (I'm assuming), instead, the seat of the Traverse snaps into a vertical. I learned this for the first time when I had left some items on the seat and they all flew toward the windshield as if launched by catapult. The latches for car seats are on the same seats that flip up, so if you ever wanted to use the third row of seats, you'd first have to remove the second-row car seats to let someone back there. I want to write Chevy a strongly-worded letter, but I realize I'll probably come off as a crazy person if I draft a letter that begins, "I don't actually own your car, but it sucks."

We drove directly to the Chuck E Cheese's for lunch.

They have a new security policy at the franchise ("New" in the sense that they didn't have it when I was last there in the early 1980's), and each family is stamped on the hand with the same number in ultraviolet ink. When you go to escape leave the establishment, they pull out their black light and make sure that you're leaving with the same young'uns you came with.  So, if you were thinking you might swing by your local Chuck E Cheese's and shop around for a while and maybe leave with a more well-behaved young'un than your own, they no longer allow upgrades.

Laney spent a lot of time hugging a fiberglass Barney.

It was sweet, but it's not the kind of thing that wins tickets, which was what Peg Peg was there to do.
Turns out Peg Peg is great at skee ball. She and Tex kept disappearing over to that corner of the play area and coming back with piles of tickets. Peg hit the "10,000 Points" hole a few times, and ended up earning 221 tickets at the end of our time with Chuck.

Sure plays a mean skee ball.

As we were leaving, Laney got to meet the actual Mr. Cheese, but this was as close as she was willing to get:

Smart girl. There were some older kids there who kept poking and squeezing and generally assaulting the short drama major trapped inside that outfit, and I longed for him/her to exact revenge - maybe by locking them in that plastic rat tunnel and making them eat the pizza.

After lunch, we checked into our hotel room and took a moment to enjoy the near-panoramic view of the Hooters:

Peg Peg only takes us to the nicest places.

About eight hours after we left Chuck's, Tex came down with a gastrointestinal malady that sounds roughly akin to Montezuma's Revenge. He seems to think those things are related. 

After two days of agony, we took him to the walk-in clinic in Missoula last night, where he told the nurse practitioner that he'd been to Chuck E Cheese's, and she said, "Well, that's not good." She prescribed him a hearty round of antibiotics along with some other meds. 

New slogan idea:

Love,

Mom

Happy Birthday Hagen (And I'm Sorry)

Dear Hagen -

We're all loading up to head out of town for a special adventure, but I wanted to post a quick note to tell you Happy Birthday, and to thank you for gracing my life with your constant smiles. You are a ray of sunshine, and your dad and I adore you.

Now, for a few apologies.

I'm sorry that your birthday is so close to Jesus's. I'm sorry that you will probably get your birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper for the rest of your life, and people will probably try to give you "combination" gifts - "It's for your birthday AND Christmas!" So that's Apology #1.

Second, I've been thinking that it might make your birthday feel more special if every year we went on some kind of trip for the occasion; leave the tree behind and head out on a fun voyage that makes your day feel uniquely your own. But since you're not old enough to talk yet, your sister got to pick our first destination. And guess where we're going?

We've rented a minivan so we can all fit in the same vehicle and we're heading out on an overnight trip to Spokane where we'll swim in the hotel pool, play in the big park downtown, and watch your sister lose her cotton-pickin' mind over some arcade games.

For the rest of your life, you can pick the destination - promise.

Love,
Mom

Merry Christmas To All, And To All A Good Night

Hey y'all - 

On Christmas Eve, Dad and Laney made brownies, and ate a large percentage of the batter off of their fingers and the spatula. One day, they will get salmonella and I will say, "HA! Yes! I told you!" right before rushing them to the hospital. 

We set up a beautiful table for the arrival of Peg Peg and Tex, and had crab cakes and boiled shrimp and Grandma Sue made a honey-glazed ham.

To all of you who had "Never" in the "When will the Burbachs' tree fall this year?" betting pool, you win. Fun fact: The oldest ornament on the tree was this "Baby's First Christmas" ornament from 1976. It's hung right next to the more recently-acquired Ornery Lobster Of Old Age ornament

The kids went to sleep, and Santa dropped by almost immediately. By prior agreement, Santa had stored all of his gifts for you in our basement in those cardboard flats from Costco, so the whole process from bare tree to Toys R' Us showroom took five minutes or less.

Laney, who has made a career out of getting the whole house up at 5am, actually slept in for the first time in her life on Christmas morning, 'til finally the grandmas couldn't take it anymore and went into her room to wake her up around 7:30am.

Laney had left Santa some cookies and some milk in a sippy cup, "so he won't spill." Rudolph got a few carrots. In return, Santa had left her a thank-you note:

Dear Laney,
Thank you so much for the yummy cookies. I brought you lots of presents because
you've been such a sweet girl and such a good big sister. Keep being nice, and I'll
see you again next year! Love, Santa.
Oh! Rudolph says to tell you he loves it when you sing about him. 

People had been asking me what to get Hagen for Christmas, and I'd been saying, "Well, I watched him roll an onion around the kitchen for an hour the other day, so... maybe a bag of onions." On Christmas morning, his toy of choice was Laney's discarded cardboard box pile.

Grandma Sue gave Hagen a reference book about airplanes, and your dad and Tex immediately started comparing notes.

After Christmas lunch, we all went outside to play.

Grandpops and Grammy CC in Missouri sent you guys this fantastic Radio Flyer wagon. You both love it, but every time you get in it, you get this serious look on your faces - as if you're starring in a Sergio Leone movie titled, "Trouble Rolled Into Town On A Painted Wagon."

We all went sledding on the road - even Peg Peg. There are two remarkable things about this. First: She's wearing a hat over her perfectly-sprayed hair. Second: My mother is known for being averse to outdoor adventure, so for her to plunk herself into a inflated tube and sail down the road is a big deal. She made this EEEEEEEEE!! squeal the whole way down the hill. Even though she was probably moving at 5mph down a 10% grade, by the sounds of it, you would have sworn she was on Space Mountain. 

I am so in love with those two teeth.

Ella got a hambone for Christmas, and spent the afternoon chasing the sled up and down the road. 

Sometimes, I let him dress himself

Everyone agreed that it was time to go in, except Laney, who threw herself in the tube and wailed, "But I don't want it to be over!!"

It was a fabulous Christmas day all around, and we all went to bed at 7:30.

Feliz Navidad.

Love,

Mom

Christmas Miracle

Dear Laney,

It seems Santa's gone from that guy you can't stand, to the guy you're afraid of, to the guy you've decided to tolerate because he brings you stuff. Progress!

Going Downhill

Dear Laney,

Sometimes, you need a dozen eggs. So you figure you'll run into Alberton and hit the Feed Store, and as long as you're going, you could stop by and say hi to your new friend Rainie. And Rainie wants to sled, so her mom drags the two of you across the street to the park, where you run into Suji. And the next thing you know, you've accidentally put together what looks like the preschool answer to Charlie's Angels.

That's the magic of Alberton. 

-Brooke