Three Days In The Valley

Hey y'all -

I got back late last night from a business trip to LA. I had to go over to hash out the format of a boring  reality show that should probably never see the light of day (she types, as she says a silent prayer that her boss doesn't read this blog).

I always leave Los Angeles thankful I don't live there anymore, but there are a few things I adore about the place. First of all, you're not going to catch a dude on a street corner in Missoula with these kind of moves:

Second, if you open your computer at a random intersection, this is what the Wifi looks like:

After my marathon meeting, I found myself in Beverly Hills with no way to get back to Karen & Stephenson's house - where I was staying - until my boss' assistant got off work at 8pm. Phooey on that. So, I decided I would take the city bus. I don't want to begin a rant about public transportation in Los Angeles, but let me explain it to you like this: In cities like New York, public transit makes sense, and it's how perfectly normal, well-adjusted people choose to move themselves around their city. This is not the case in LA. In LA, everyone on a city bus looks like they're on their way to a psych evaluation or an audition. But I repeat myself. Suffice it to say: the bus is always the last resort.

A few years ago, my friend Chip rode the city bus and sat across from a couple in their 20's. As the bus stopped in front of a church, the woman sighed and said, "I want to get married one day in a church like that." The man looked at her like she was crazy and said, "Girl, please. I ain't giving you half my stuff," as she continued to wrangle their five children.

As my bus pulled out of Beverly Hills, a wiry man in his 80s got up from the handicapped seating at the front of the bus to shuffle back toward my row and start hitting on the unfortunate woman in the row behind me, which went like this:

Man: You are a very attractive lady. I watch you on this bus all the time.
Woman: I've never been on this bus before.
Man: Well, maybe it was another bus.
Woman: Maybe.
Man: Are you married?
Woman: I have a boyfriend. 
Man: Well, you are very beautiful... is he a good boyfriend?

etc. etc. etc., til we made it to Santa Monica and La Cienega, where he got off. As he stepped off the bus, an enormous woman with even more enormous sunglasses turned around in the front row and yelled to the unfortunate object of his affection, "That was CLASSIC!!"

...And that's when I sent Karen a text message and told her I was getting the hell off the bus, and she needed to pick me up in West Hollywood. Behold: Stephenson, coming to my rescue:

Karen and Samantha were waiting for me in the car, and in a new feature I'd like to call Advice From Samantha, the two year-old offered me an important tip on how to turn my day around:

And she was right! We all went out for sushi, where Samantha used my camera to take these photos of her mom and me:

It was a great trip. But boy am I glad to be home.

Love,
Mom