My Mama's Going To Be So Mad

Hey y'all - 

You know what group of people can always be counted on to be a little weird? Nurses. They enjoy the world's least-appropriate dinner conversation, and they can't hold hands and watch a movie without absently looking at your inner arm for a good vein, just in case. 

You know who can be guaranteed to be a little kooky? Southern women. If it's not actively in motion, we're going to monogram it, slap a bow on it and throw it a themed party, using only the good clear plastic plates, not those trashy paper ones. 

You know who's always overzealous? SEC football fans. If kick-off is five days from now, they're already out in the stadium parking lot, grilling out next to their RV... the one with the Bear Bryant commemorative license plate. 

So, if you get a building full of southern nurses at an SEC school, the weather report is going to call for a perfect storm of crazy. 

Remember how I mentioned that when we were in Arkansas, Peg Peg took us for a tour of the University of Arkansas School of Nursing, where she works as the something-or-other? And I mentioned how they have mannequins that the nursing students practice on? And they even have a fake labor and delivery room where a robotic woman gives birth to a rubber baby, which is the kind of thing that will haunt my dreams 'til I die?

Peg Peg sent me this picture today - apparently, they threw a baby shower for this rubber woman, who I will remind you is not actually alive, and she went into real-sounding labor, yelling "It hurts so much!"  A real midwife helped the "patient" give birth, and - per Peg Peg - "She even delivered the placenta!" Y'all would'a had to scrape me up off the floor with a spatula.

But then there's the matter of the fire engine red "Welcome Baby Hog" cake, commemorating that this fake baby born to this fake woman with a lazy eye was pulled into the world at a learning institution whose mascot is a feral pig. 

Now, who wants the corner piece?

Love,
Mom

P.S. The diapers were donated to the United Way. The staff is aware that the "mother" is not real. I mean, they're fun-crazy, not crazy-crazy.