Celebrity Student

Dear Laney,

At kindergarten orientation almost a year ago, your teacher told us that once every few weeks, she would choose a "Celebrity Student" who would be highlighted at the school assembly, and would get to decorate a wall in the classroom with his/her art and photos from home.

"We've got this thing sewn up, " I thought. "No way Laney isn't going to be first."

A side note here: There's lots of talk in the media and popular culture about "Tiger Moms" - typically Asian-American mothers who are hyper-competitive and never stop pushing their children to excel.
Not that this is a competition I should hope to win, but I would submit that Southern mamas can be way crazier when they feel like their children are being overlooked...although our brand of crazy is usually concentrated in the areas of pageants, cheerleading, and football.  In college, I had a good friend named Brent who was from Mississippi. He understood the crazy Southern mama effect. I was a drama major, and every time I auditioned for a role in a show, he would joke, "If you don't get it, I'm going to call up that office and holler, 'WHADDYA MEAN, TELLIN' MY LITTLE GIRL SHE CAN'T BE IN THE SCHOOL PLAY?!?'" Exactly.

So when the first Celebrity Student was chosen, and it wasn't you, I was shocked. "WHADDYA MEAN TELLIN' MY LITLE GIRL SHE AIN'T THE CELEBRITY STUDENT?!?"And when it wasn't you the second or third time, I became suspicious. Then I started volunteering in your classroom and I realized that "Celebrity Student" wasn't an acknowledgement of who had the best behavior or work ethic. Instead, because your teacher is a far, far sweeter person than I will ever be, she seemed to be giving the title to kids who could most use a little boost of confidence. It's this kind of thinking that will probably make the world a better place, even if it results in less baton twirling. Since "crisis of confidence" is not a condition suffered by anyone I've given birth to, it made sense that you weren't getting it.

With one month to go in the school year, she got around to picking you. So I went to the assembly.

(Yes, the man-bun trend is in full effect here in Missoula.)

You got a certificate for being Celebrity Student, and your student teacher gave a little speech at the assembly about how funny and nice you are, and how you tell the best stories.

That part didn't surprise me, because last week, you went to camp at the Y over spring break, and came home and wrote a 10-page book about it. 5 pages were drawings and descriptions of things you actually did, and the other 5 were things you included in the book though they didn't actually happen. For example, "I am playing dodgeball" is a fabrication.

Then, the principal gave you a second certificate for perfect attendance for the month.

Thank God your confidence has been boosted.

Love,
Mom