Tuesday, June 7, 2016

The Ninja Sleeps Tonight


Dear Hagen,

Ninja School (a.k.a. Introductory Taekwondo) continues to be a disaster and a delight.

The class happens twice a week, and your dad and I have been taking turns so we each only have to endure it once. You're still having issues with focus and spend a lot of time in each session staring into space and then wondering why suddenly everyone has started running or punching or kicking, because you didn't get the memo. At the same time, you're mad as hell that you don't have a red belt yet.

Last Wednesday, you were paired with a teenage girl as your teacher/helper for the day. As you two faced each other to spar, you stared at a point off in the middle distance...and then she bopped you on the head. "Hagen," the head teacher asked, "Do you know WHY she just hit you on the head?" And you threw out your arms in a giant shrug as if to say, "'Cause girls are crazy, man."

This Monday, your class did a lesson on self-defense techniques, and the teachers ("the bad guys") faced off against the tiny students ("the good guys.") The head teacher, Master Corbin, faced off against you. When he saw your attention start to wander as you probably started daydreaming about Transformers and cheetahs and dinosaurs and grape jelly, he bent down, looked you in the eye and said, "Hagen, I need you to really pay attention because I'm about to try to punch you in the face." "AAAAAAAHHHHH!" you shrieked, and ran away from the line.

You might have focus issues, but you're no dummy.

The whole family carpooled home together. It's a 20-minute drive across town at that time of day, and here's a condensed version of how that went:



Note: You got bitten by a mosquito on the back of your right ear, which is why it's bright pink and twice the size of your left ear. It's not a ninja injury.

Love,
Mom




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