More Exhausting By 2pm Than Most People Are All Day

Dear Laney,

This has been our day thus far:

6:30am - You stand up in your crib and shout downstairs MOM! WANNA WHITE OARS!

6:40am - Mom gets Machiavellian: "You're not allowed to ride the horse 'til you put on pants, let me do your hair, eat a breakfast taco and get your nails cut." Check. Check. Check. Check.

8:50am - Trip to town is briefly stalled when you get trapped inside a grocery bag in the driveway (Fig 1).

9:05am - From the backseat, demand that MORE SAUCE (a.k.a. Barney Songs) be played on the car stereo. Mom fantasizes a world where it's acceptable to be pregnant, driving, and drinking a Bloody Mary.

9:15am - You get your feet stuck together in a drinking glass. No, really (Fig 2).

9:30am - Mom remembers that half of every Dora episode is Dora repeating the three places she's going to go today. Mom decides to try this tactic: Bank!...Target!...Horse! You repeat back: Oars! Oars! Oars!

10:00am - Target, where Mom buys replacement Play-Doh for the tub she gave you last week, which has since become a disgusting yellowish ball of 1 part Play-Doh, 1 part dirt and 1 part Gus hair (or, as Dad calls it, "Stuff the Native Americans could have used to build adobe houses.")

10:45am - Arrive at carousel. WE RIDE THE HORSE!!!! GLORY HALLELUJAH!!! (Fig 3)

10:47am - Mom! More oars!

10:48am - We ride the horse again.

10:50am - Mom! More oars!

10:52am - Mom considers buying the $40 carousel all-you-can-ride season pass. We ride the horse again.

10:54am - Mom removes you from the carousel building, and this conversation happens for the first of 200+ times today:

Laney: Mom, 'ant more oars.

Mom: We're not going to ride the horse again right now, sweet girl.

Laney: Why?

Mom: Because Mom needs a break.

Laney: OK.

Mom: You understand?

Laney: Sure!

Mom: Great, then let's go do someth-

Laney: WANNA WHITE OARS!!

11:05am - Arrive at Missoula Farmer's Market (Fig 4) to discover more people per capita than anywhere else this side of Calcutta. Accidentally run into at least a dozen people with our stroller. We are Those People.

11:06am - Strawberry lemonade popsicle + toddler in white T-shirt = costume change (Fig 5).

11:30am - Kill off any good locavore karma we accumulated at the farmers' market by having lunch at McDonald's PlayPlace (Fig 6). McDonald's employee tells you you're not allowed to carry your apple slice onto the playground. You collapse in despair on the turtle slide.

1:00pm - Arrive at Cedar's house for a brief visit, where Cedar (Fig 7) learns to take photos with Mom's camera (Fig 8) and you're so sleepy you can barely stay upright.

1:45pm - Home again. Mom gets in the bed with you to read books. You demand MORE SORES.

2:00pm - After multiple incorrect guesses, Mom finally discovers that MORE SORES loosely translates to, "Mother dear, I believe I'd enjoy a 16th reading of that book about dinosaurs."

There are 6 hours left til bedtime.

Send help.

Love,

Mom