So, here's something you think is fun lately: saying goodbye.
You load up your backpack (essential items: one shoe, a cap-less marker, three pennies), and open the front door. Oh yes, you can open the door all by yourself now, which scares the hell out of me since we currently have a 6-ft deep trench in our backyard in anticipation of a water line being installed. You turn around at the open door, and say "Bye, Mom! See ya in da morning! Miss you!" then you walk a few steps, come back and do it all over again.
It seems you don't want to actually go anywhere so much as hold dress rehearsals for running away from home.
Last night, we didn't get much sleep because you've got whatever ailment it is that makes green goo come from your nose and makes your speaking voice a dead ringer for Kathleen Turner's after a pack of cigarettes. At 2am, I woke up and realized that you were no longer in bed with me. Then I panicked, and performed this internal monologue:
She can actually open the door on her own, and could conceivably hit the road if she wanted to. Maybe all of that practice was leading up to something, the way inmates at Alcatraz made guns out of soap waiting for the perfect opportunity to escape. Maybe she's halfway to town, and I'm going to have to report her missing. And when the judgy cop asks me, "What was the last thing she said to you?," I'm going to have to admit: "Bye, Mom! See ya in da morning! Miss you!" and he'll snidely ask me if I thought that was a red flag. And I'll officially be the Worst Mom In The History Of The Universe.
But nope. When I got downstairs - again, this was at 2am - you were stirring one of the pots from your kitchen, and singing the "Bate, Bate, Chocolate" (translation: Stir, Stir, Chocolate) song from Dora the Explorer. I cannot express how annoying this song is without resorting to vulgarity, so I'll let you all experience it for yourselves:
Mom: Whatcha doing, Laney?
Laney: Makin' 'ookies.
Mom: You're making chocolate cookies?
Laney: Yep.
Mom: OK, well... I'm going back to bed.
Laney: Bye, Mom! See ya in da morning! Miss you!
Love,
Mom
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