IRASHAIMASE!!!

Dearest offspring,

IRASHAIMASE!!! is traditionally what sushi chefs yell at customers when they enter the restaurant to eat. Your dad says it means WELCOME!!!, but they always shout it with such enthusiasm that I always thought it meant CONGRATULATIONS!! YOU'RE OUR MILLIONTH CUSTOMER!!! I was starting to wonder how I could be so lucky so often.

Last week, we read about a sushi restaurant in a nearby town that had just been declared one of the top 100 Asian restaurants in America, so we decided to take Grandma Sue there for her birthday dinner. We drove for an hour to a little 10-table restaurant in Hamilton, Montana. Because it's Montana, the sushi chefs were college-age white dudes who did not yell at us in Japanese. Instead, they were probably planning a kayaking trip and were - like - totally stoked.

We had hot sake (Japanese rice wine), which I did not like, and which cemented my belief that rice should only be used as a vehicle for gravy. Hagen was happy being held by his dad, and I was endlessly impressed that Thor could handle chopsticks and an infant simultaneously.

Laney tried and liked the miso soup, but then became restless and loud. Needless to say, we had the only small children in the quiet sushi place, so I figured we either needed to get you quiet or start buying drinks for all the adjacent tables. And I couldn't raise my voice at you to sit down, because that would have added to the problem. I tried to do that thing that Granny Jack can do - after four children of her own and a lifetime spent as a public school teacher - where she can say something to a child that puts the fear of God in 'em without even separating her teeth... I probably need to practice that some more, because I don't look like I mean business so much as I look like a crazy person with lockjaw.

In the end, Laney said, "I just want to watch Team Umizoomi and eat rice." So we put you in the corner behind the table where you happily used the chair as a table and watched a movie on the iPod and ate handfuls of sticky rice. We almost forgot you were there.

I figured since it was Asian animation, it went with the theme of the evening.

We had a great time, and I think Grandma Sue had a nice birthday. But since there are 85 sushi places on Ventura Blvd between the 101 and Laurel Canyon, there's no way in heck this place was in the top 100 in the country. Unless they received bonus underdog points for having a restaurant in Montana that doesn't serve steak. In that case, hooray for thinking outside the box.

Love,

Mom