Y'all Hush: Laney's Epic 7th Birthday Jungle Party

Dear Laney,

Your birthday parties are always over the top, because your dad and I love to throw a good party, and this year's was no exception. Your birthday always falls on the last week of summer before the new school year starts, so everyone is in the mood to celebrate.

If there's anything I don't want to throw, it's a damn princess party, so I always try to encourage you to pick a theme that lots of people will enjoy. For a few weeks, you'd been binge-watching "King Julien" on Netflix, which is an animated show about a bunch of idiot lemurs living in the jungle. So I suggested a jungle party, and you went for it.

Making invitations is one of my favorite things; for this project, we had your dad bring home all the old maps in the recycling bin at his office at the Forest Service (free!) and we re-used the second half of the blank cards I'd bought for your secret agent party last year (also free!). You helped by cutting out the maps, and then crumpling them up so they'd look like "they'd been run over by a Jeep in the rain forest!" (your idea.)

One of the most helpful factors in throwing you these crazy parties is your Grandpops usually decides to fly in the week of your birthday, and he is exceptionally handy. He landed a week before your party, and immediately I started dreaming 30% bigger. After all, he can learn a clapping routine and frame in a side porch, all in the same day.

Then I started getting crafty. I learned that with some half-assed cutting, you can turn plastic table cloths from the dollar store into waterproof jungle vines.

I found leopard felt on clearance at the fabric store for $2/yard. Hooray! Get in my cart!

I found a flat cheetah sheet at the second hand store for $2 and made it into a curtain for the back porch (after Hagen and I played cheetahs for a while). Grrr, baby, grrrrrrr.

The mistake I'd made in years past was coming up with a birthday theme that required my participation - I led the pirates on the treasure hunt, or the spies on the secret mission - and I didn't have time to enjoy myself or take pictures or sit down. This year, I wanted a turnkey operation. I wanted to turn the backyard into a jungle wonderland and then sit my butt down. But I'd knew we'd need one big feature that would keep the kids busy all afternoon. "Thor," I said, "I'm going to need you to build me a waterslide." "Okay," he said, thus guaranteeing at least another decade of happy marriage.

The Zebra Lounge mentioned on the invitation was no joke. We're friends with so many families and the adults always come along, so I wanted them to have fun, too.

I made Jello "Malaria Shots" and some grown-up Jungle Juice.

Grandma Sue brought home lots of cardboard from her job at the appliance store, so you helped me paint those with faux wood grain and we turned them into signs

Your dad even set up a little wooden pole tent and we turned into an Explorers Outpost with floor cushions and laundry baskets full of towels.

Instead of a birthday cake, you opted for a banana split bar, so I made a triple batch of brownies to turn into brownie crumble for an ice cream topping. Hagen was our tester, which begins and ends his contribution to party prep.

It goes without saying that the waterslide was a HUGE HIT. I think you went down that thing at least 600 times, and that doesn't include the testing phase. Your dad borrowed a plastic slide from our friends Seth and Vanika, and then he and Grandpops build a staircase for it, and an overhead PVC handle that also held a sprinkler head to keep the slide wet. They built the track out of rolled plastic sheeting from Home Depot, and used PVC pipes and pool noodles as the edges. The we added smaller PVC pipes over the slide to make a tunnel that we covered with an extra-long soaker hose, so it would seem like you were shooting through the rain forest.

Granny Jack sent us a check for your birthday, because she wanted to provide the food for the party. That was exceptionally generous of her, and went a long way. We grilled 70+ pieces of teriyaki chicken and three pineapples. We also had a chopped sesame salad and three trays of rice. (We learned that the Chinese take-out place near our house will sell you a party tray of seasoned rice for $7. I am never making rice again.)

As the evening wore on, you could spot more and more adults on the waterslide. (See: Malaria Shots, above).

Even Uncle Nate got in on the action.

In the end, Grandpops climbed up for a ride, even though he made sure to tell us that as a Taurus, he doesn't really like water. Whatever, old man.

We had 32 people at the party. When it started, Hagen came out to the deck, took a look around, and decided that was at least 25 people too many. So he and Finley spent the party at the top of the stairs, sharing a bowl of cheesy popcorn and taking turns playing a game on the iPad. PARTY ANIMALS.

The die-hards were still around after 9:00pm, which is when Uncle Nate gifted you a bag of UNAUTHORIZED Silly String - the very stuff I say "NO!" to at the store at least once a week. Rules don't apply to uncles.