Part Three: My Friends

Hey, y'all -

A few years ago, I read a book called How To Raise An Adult, which talked about the current trend of over-parenting, and the trap parents - especially moms - fall into these (judgmental, social media-fed) days by making being a parent 100% of their identity. The book suggested that one of the best things you can do for your kids is to have hobbies and interests and friends outside the home so you can model what it's like to be a whole person. In short: I would throw myself in front of a bus for y'all if I needed to, but sometimes mama needs to leave the house to stay sane.

My friends have been very good about picking up the slack with your dad gone and encouraging me to leave the house. Correy in particular is especially good at taking me on dates so I'll occasionally put on make-up, and when I'm particularly down, she makes me climb a mountain. Literally.

Vanika encourages me to go to the gym and exercise, and always sets her treadmill 0.1 faster than mine because we're competitive and liable to make each other pass out one of these days. When she's not looking, I move the pin on her weight machines to make her lift heavier. We're terrible. 

A few weeks ago was Craft Beer Week in Missoula, and one of the events was the "Brewmazing Race," a sort of "Amazing Race" knock-off that would send competitors around Missoula on a series of physical, mental and beer-related challenges. Jess signed me up as her partner and I started praying that we wouldn't come in last. I didn't need to be first; I just didn't want the embarrassment of being the worst.

At the starting line, I noticed we were the only all-female team. Eight teams total. Our first task was to carry an empty keg for two laps around a vacant lot - approx a quarter mile. We were one of the first teams to finish and I didn't throw up in public, so we were off to a great start. Next, we had to assemble ten large cardboard boxes and fill each of those with four assembled six-pack carriers. We flew through it, but when we yelled "INSPECTION!" our judge told us we'd made a mistake. After studying and studying the sample case, we discovered this little cardboard hook (pictured here) that had to be on the outside of all forty carriers. By the time we re-did them, we had fallen to fifth place. I can't even look at a six-pack carrier now without getting a rage headache. 

We were allowed to bring a smartphone on the trip, and we got really good at navigating and running at the same time. At our next stop, we were presented with a two-page test of beer knowledge. I asked the judge is we were allowed to have TWO pens, and he shrugged and handed me an extra. I ripped the test in half and gave one half to each of us and we googled our little hearts out. I know very little about beer, but I can google like it's my job because some days, it is. When we flew out of that challenge, there was a camera guy on our butts. Jess said "Do you think we've moved into first?" I said "That's my guess - most camera crews don't waste their time on the fifth place team."

It should be noted that I offered to slow down for a second so the camera guy could move in front of us and walk backwards and shoot us from a better angle, and I offered to read our clues aloud for the camera, until finally Jess yelled at me to STOP PRODUCING THEIR SHOOT AND JUST RUN. Can't help myself. 

There was a blind taste test quiz that Jess aced, then we moved on to some physical challenges. Jess scored three free throws in a row, and I had to cast a fly rod so the fly would land in a hula hoop on the other side of a field. Done! Still in first! We went to a seedy casino where I beat the bartender in a dice roll and drank a beer. I'm telling you - we were on fire. Sometimes we completed a task before the second place team even showed up. 

Somewhere, there is footage of me making deals with Jesus so Jess could land that third free throw. 

But then, but then, but then... The final challenge was to beat a dealer at Missoula's oldest bar in a single hand of poker. Poor Jess sat there and got handed the crappiest cards over and over and over again, until she finally got three of a kind. By then, teams had caught up and passed us. We made a valiant sprint to the finish line but ultimately came in fifth. 

I still feel robbed. 

Later that same week, we all participated in another Craft Beer Week event: the miniature golf tournament. With a "May The Fourth Be With You" theme, the teams were supposed to come up with a Star Wars-inspired look. I pitched the girls on a team name and designed us a logo, and Correy had T-shirts printed:

Bars all over downtown Missoula designed their own mini golf holes, and we got to play 6 of them. 

Let me just say - golf courses can be in the bar business, but bars shouldn't be in the golf business. Sometimes the holes were play-able and sometimes they weren't. Sometimes there were pipes that the ball didn't fit through or astroturf that hadn't been rolled out. The money all went to the Missoula Food Bank so it doesn't matter, but suffice it to say none of these Leias will be joining the LPGA. 

Thanks for keeping me sane, ladies. 

Love,

Brooke