Hey, yall -
At the start of the year, your dad was invited (Requested? Commanded? With the Navy, it's all a big grey area that your dad files under "Mandatory Fun,") to attend a Returning Warrior Workshop in San Diego. It was to be a time for service members returning from deployment to attend a fun (?!), informative event with their spouses to ease the transition back into civilian life. I was skeptical, but San Diego is always lovely and I figured we could slip away from the PowerPoints long enough for a real margarita. OK, I'm in.
Thor went to Afghanistan as what the military calls an "Individual Augmentee," which means he didn't go with a squadron, he was just one guy plucked at random to serve. Because of this, I spent his deployment feeling like the only person in the world going through it. There are no support networks, no way for spouses to connect, no one to share what they've learned. And the workshop was equally out of touch (I particularly enjoyed the final night, when they gave me a certificate for my sacrifice with my name misspelled).
So, with no better outlet at my disposal, here are a few things I learned during Thor's deployment that I can share, in case there's anyone else who might benefit from my experience:
- If you're shipping packages to the Middle East, don't send chocolate between May and October.
- Get an online account with the US Post office and you can print flat-rate labels with a $2 discount for APO/FPO addresses, fill out customs forms online, and never have to go to the actual post office again. On average, it takes 14 days for a package to travel over there, but you will not be able to track it online and will get an error message. Ignore it.
- Target is great for ordering household items (like a fan or a decent towel), but they won't ship food. Walmart is best at this, and ships any order over $35 free, even heavy stuff like cans of soup. I once ordered Thor ten boxes of cereal when they were having a sale.
- Speaking of food, it's terrible over there (lots of sketchy hot dogs, etc., and we should be embarrassed as Americans). In particular, Thor hated that the dairy products were so chemically treated that they no longer tasted like milk, so I got an Amazon subscription for organic milk boxes and half and half. You know what else travels well? Flour tortillas. They have a two month shelf life and can be used with peanut butter and honey packets for a decent snack. He didn't have refrigeration for a while, so I found this great online store that sells individual packets of things, like salad dressing or parmesan cheese - in case he ever saw a vegetable, he could make it taste like something. These were his favorite treat, because you just need water.
- I learned after the deployment that the DoD will pay for a family gym membership while your spouse is deployed (which at the YMCA even includes child care). Had I known, this would have saved me about $700.
- Everything you've heard about the heat is true. Thor would wet scarves and keep them in the squadron freezer. Chafing is no joke, and this was the most useful product on that front.
- Internet isn't free. Speaking of things that should embarrass us as Americans - our troops have to pay price-gouging local companies if they want internet access in their housing units, vs going to the computer center, if there is one. This is such an essential thing for morale - being able to communicate with your family - I can't really wrap my head around it. Anyway, look into getting a VPN account so you can convince your computer it's still in America and you can have access to Netflix, etc.
- Whatsapp works better than FaceTime or Skype. If you have an iPhone, iMessage is an internet-based app that doesn't need a cell signal, so if you can figure out the wifi, you can text back home. THIS WAS HUGE for us.
- If you are a service member with small children who aren't big on talking on the phone, they're not going to be great at communicating with you this way when you're gone. It's natural to get your feelings hurt and feel like they don't care enough to talk to you. They do, but children aren't as good at processing what they can't see. Trust that the other side of this coin is that when you get back, they'll usually get back to normal in no time. Small children are like puppies that way. But DO find other ways to engage: Thor sent small things he found in the local market, or even on the sidewalk:
- Also totally normal: coming back from deployment and being angry at how things are run in the civilian world. I know it was tough for Thor to go from a reality where decisions were literally life and death to a bureaucratic office where nothing really matters, but everyone treats it like life and death. Thor had a pretty great outlook on this, which was: if civilians are sheltered and protected and have no idea what's going on, it means we've done our job. He's far nicer than I will ever be.
- You will learn (and be surprised by) who really cares for you by who checks on you and offers help in your time of need. A deployment is a great litmus test, and if you go a whole year without friends or even family members checking on you, you can cross those people off your Christmas list, guilt-free. And then give special thanks for the people who rose to the challenge and watched your children when you thought you were going to collapse or came over to pull a dead cat out of your hot tub. Bless those people.
Ah, well. We survived. We're stronger for it.
At least the margaritas were good.
Love,
Mom
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