Our $12,476 Day At The Fair

Dear Laney,

Last weekend (Yes, I'm still re-capping last weekend - hush) we attended the Georgia National Fair in Perry. I know I have complained about the Missoula Fair in the past for being rinky-dink. If you put the Missoula Fair in a Xerox machine on 8000% and added barbecue, you'd get something close to the Georgia National Fair. Like your dad said, "I've never seen so much food in one place." They had an exotic petting zoo, racing pigs, trained bears, two midways, three buildings of commercial exhibits and a ski lift.

We saw it all with my uncle David and Aunt Melanie, my cousin Heidi and her girls Katie and Hope.

Here's what I can tell you about the money-sucking, gnat-infested, hot-as-Hades good time known as the Georgia National Fair: In order for a two year old to ride any rides, one must first purchase her a $16 bracelet. One must then be constantly vigilant, and continually insist that the toddler STOPS TRYING TO TAKE OFF THE DANG BRACELET. Heidi told me, "It's not so bad, because an adult can ride with her for free." Wrong. We were turned away at the carousel so your dad could go buy ANOTHER $16 bracelet to accompany you on the rides. At that point, we were $32 into riding a carousel that you didn't want to ride with your dad, and your dad didn't want to ride at all. Who's having fun? I know I am!

We moved on to a ride called "The Crazy Bus," where you happily took Katie's hand and climbed on board. I thought the bus was just going to jiggle around a little bit. Again: Wrong. Instead, it shot up in the air like this:

I thought I was going to lose my cotton-pickin' mind.

When the ride came to a complete stop, you and Katie climbed off, still holding hands. Katie hollered from the steps, "BEFORE YOU EVEN ASK - SHE LOVED IT." Note to self: Send Katie and Hope a thank-you note for saving my child's life by keeping her inside the Crazy Bus.

Your dad rode the spinning dragons with you, then got off and said, "I'm so glad that ride is over, I thought I was going to throw up." Note to the US Navy: Find a way to employ Spinning Dragons in your flight training to help separate the men from the boys.

Finally, we found a spot in the shade where you happily ate your way through a $6 peach cobbler.

Heidi told me that after they took her girls to the Fair last year, her husband Jason pulled their car over on the way home and told them, "Based on today, I can tell you this: When you grow up, you're going to need to marry money, And I don't mean new money." I wish I could go back in time and be in that car while he made that speech, just so I could nod my head and agree, "Yeah! What he said."

Love,

Mom