Blog Facts

A few fun facts:

* This is my 959th post. As someone who could never be counted on to finish a book report in school, I find this shocking.

*  After 3+ years of blogging, I reached the maximum free storage capacity for the blog yesterday, and I now have to pay Google a monthly fee of $2.47. This comes to 41 cents per grandparent, although I'm also willing to accept an annual check for $4.93, if that's easier for y'all.

* The blog averages about 50 unique visitors per day. I figure I know about 18 of them. Weird.

* The most common reason strangers click on my blog? They're searching for that Far Side cartoon about the dingo farm next door to the day care, and this blog apparently has the most high-resolution version on the web.

* People have also found their way to this blog using the following search terms: "Boa Constrictor Tattoo," "Most Eligible Bachelor In Montana," (bet they were disappointed to find out he's five), "In Celebration of Bad Parenting," and "Don't Tell Dr. Hoover."

* Someone in Spain reads this blog every day. I don't know who you are, but "hola!" Dora taught me that.

* My mother complains that the commenting system doesn't work. Let me know if anyone else has had this problem - there's nothing I'd love more than an occasional comment, and I'd hate to think it's not working.

-Brooke

Laney The Science Brain-y

Dear Laney,

Sometimes, we watch the PBS show Sid The Science Kid together. I'm not in love with Sid, but I don't hate him, either. On the spectrum of least-to-most annoying shows that you watch, I'd rank him somewhere in the middle:

One good thing about Sid is that he and his classmates do an experiment or activity in every episode that we can recreate at home. This morning's episode was about rocks. We learned that there are three kinds of rocks. I've already forgotten what they are, because if I were at all interested in rocks, I would pay attention to your dad when he talks, knowwhatImean? Just kidding. I find your dad endlessly fascinating. But seriously: if you ever want to lose track of half an hour of your life, ask your dad a question like, "Why does that rock over there have those ripples on top?"

Where was I? Ah, yes: Rocks. So just like Sid's fictional preschool class, we grabbed an Easter basket and went out in the yard to collect rocks. You must have gotten the geology gene, because you thought it was awesome, although at one point, you stopped to say, "Hey! Instead of collecting rocks, let's look for eggs with candy in them!" If only. We brought our rocks back to the dinner table, where we sorted them by size and color and shape. Then, because we had some more time to kill before lunch, we decided to paint them. 

And there went the afternoon.

Spoiler alert: Everyone's getting a paperweight for Christmas.

Love,
Mom

Philip v Squirrel

Hey y'all -

Montana has been rough on your grandfather. He seems to have strained his shoulder pushing Laney in the swing. Instead of casting aspersions on his manliness, I just handed him a baggie full of ibuprofen and thanked him for his service. There remains a cash reward on the table for any man, woman or beast who can teach Laney to swing all by herself.

Adding rodent insult to shoulder injury, he woke up in the guest house last night to discover a squirrel wanted to be his roommate. When a staring contest didn't scare it away, Philip hopped out of bed to shoo it out. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten that he'd propped open the metal window and banged his head into the window frame. There's a squirrel out there somewhere, telling the story to his furry friends in a squirrel bar. When I find it, I will shoot it with my BB gun.

Your dad and I have been joking for years that Montana's tourism board should use the slogan, "Montana: You'll Leave Sore." We would just need to add to Philip's T-shirt, "...With A Big Gash In Your Head."

Other than the physical maladies and 7pm bedtime, I think Philip has enjoyed himself in Montana. Today, in the yard:

Love,

Mom

Pirate Party Pro Pics

Cedar's Mom (who I guess is also Fisher's mom, but that's neither here nor there), took a ton of wonderful pictures at Laney's party and shared them with me last night. Cut yourself a piece of cake and fire up the video. It's almost like being there.

NOTE: For better, full-res version, click here.

 Love, Brooke

River City Roots Fest

Hey y'all - 

Yesterday, we went downtown to the River City Roots Festival, an annual event in Missoula that celebrates... uh... walking around downtown, drinking beer and looking at stuff. This is different from every other day in Missoula, 'cause... uh... there are bands. 

We had ice cream and funnel cake and Laney got to paint and we all went to the carousel, where Laney rode her favorite carousel horse, Zonta. I can't really figure out why Zonta is the horse she's claimed as her own - he's perfectly mediocre in every way, and is hidden away on the innermost ring of horses. He's got a corn cob carved on top of his butt. But no matter how often you point out the big beautiful horses on the outside ring, her heart wants what it wants: Zonta. 

Your grandfather has been a great sport on his visit, having long conversations with Laney, holding Hagen, going on nature walks, etc. But by 4pm or so every day, he reaches the same point that Danny Glover reached in every "Lethal Weapon" movie: I'm too old for this s#!*.

Me too, man. Me, too.

Love,

Mom

The Parrrrty

Dear Laney,

You woke up at the crack of dawn yesterday, all jacked up on being a 3 year-old. It didn't matter that it was still dark outside, you were ready to open presents. Hagen can't talk yet, but I bet if he could, he would have slurred, "Dude, why are we up so early?"

Your dad and I got you a Cabbage Patch Kid, which you told Hagen he wasn't allowed to touch. Then, you demanded he kiss it. He was one confused infant.

But enough of the preamble, let's talk about the Pirate Party!!

Everyone got to suit up in a pirate vest, hat and eye patch:

I made a poster-sized map, and led you and your friends on a treasure hunt through the park.

To get past the Dancin' Tree, we all had to dance like pirates.

On the way to our next pirate challenge, we ran into Captain Meanybritches, played by your Uncle Nate. He Grrr'd at us and threatened to steal our treasure, but then we all snapped our hands together like crocodiles and scared him away.

Then, it was time to walk the plank. We'd set up an inflatable kiddie pool and your Uncle Nate put a board across it that all the kids had to cross.

To add to the ambience, I added some inflatable sea creatures to the pool. But Cedar is such a proficient fisherwoman, she plucked 'em right out.

I took sidewalk chalk and colored "Lava Rocks" down the sidewalk. You had to jump from rock to rock to make it down the path of lava.

We found the treasure chest under the park's turtle fountain, and everyone got a treasure sack of crayons and Play Doh and gold coin-shaped chocolates.

When it was over, I was exhausted. I had started to speed up the "hunt," because I was worried you and your friends thought I was crazy and the hunt was lame. But as soon as we got the treasure bags out of the box, the first thing out of your mouth was, "I WANNA DO IT AGAIN!!" Your friend Maya agreed. I explained that I had only brought one batch of treasure, and we were all done. Maya volunteered to put her treasure back so she could do it again, which I thought was a tremendous compliment. Finally, I pinned the map to a tree so you guys could recreate the experience by yourselves. Everyone took turns playing "Meanybritches."

We had 13 kids, 16 adults, 19 pounds of pork barbecue, and 2 enormous cakes.

I know it was a successful party, because when Levi's mom told him it was time to go, this was the look on his face:

It was a great day and a great party and all the work was worth it, because it made you so happy.

We love you, Little Miss 3 year-old.

Love,
Mom

My Lo Mein Man

Hey y'all -

Your grandfather arrived from Georgia yesterday; he's here to attend the Birthday Party To End All Birthday Parties.

I'm sure he was impressed with our concierge baggage service.

When I spoke to him earlier in the week before he left Georgia, he said, "I'm looking forward to seeing if Laney talks as much as you say she does." After all, we Southerners are known for embellishing our stories. Our motto : "If the story ain't right, you make it right." So there was a chance that I had been exaggerating, and really Laney is a quiet, shy, reserved little thing who barely makes a peep.

Bwah hah hah hah hah.

At the one hour mark, I think he was holding his head in bewilderment.

We went to lunch in the park, where Philip got the lo mein from the thai place and shared with Hagen. Like all 8 month-olds, Hagen just loves ethnic food.

A few hours of playing in our yard...

... and your grandfather stumbled out to the guest house, zombie-like.

I hate it when you guys wear ME out, but I LOVE it when you do it to your grandparents.

Love,
Mom

Letting My Brain Catch Up

Hey y'all - 

I've always been one of those people who can't read a book if the radio is on. My brain can process one thing at a time, and I don't like a lot of background noise. Now, I have two small children, and my entire life is noise. Living with Laney (and I say this with all the love in my heart) is the audio equivalent of resting your ear against the speakers at an AC/DC concert. Combined with the usual sleep deprivation (Thanks, Hagen!), I'm going through a phase now where I can't seem to complete a thought. I get three or four words in a sentence, and I forget what I was trying to say. I'm all subject, no predicate. 

Grandma Sue, who loves party games and quiz shows, tries to help by guessing the second half of my thoughts, so our conversation sometimes goes like this:

Brooke: I really need to go...uh...
Grandma Sue: Pick up Laney at school? Get something from your car? Grab something from the store?
Brooke: Pee.

One day, my brain is going to evolve, and I'm going to get nine hours of sleep in a row and ooh, boy, I'll be on fire. In the meantime, here are some fragments from our past few days:

_____________

Peg Peg and Tex sent Laney a gift card to Target to pick out a toy for her birthday, and Laney chose a doctor's kit. Peg Peg got on the webcam and subjected herself to a thorough (virtual) physical from Dr. Laney. This is Peg having her mouth inspected by an ear doohickey:

If there is anything funnier than an almost 3 yr-old putting on a stethoscope and asking, "What seems to be the pwoblem?" I'd like to know what it is.

____________

Ella used to spend most of her days bossing Gus around. Now that he's gone, she's chosen Hagen as her new project. And this works out fine, because he loves her.

The saddest/funniest thing is when Hagen crawls alllll the way from one room to another, just to grab on to her, and she gets up and moves at the last second. His face crumples and he cries, and Dad sings, "All by myyyyself.... Don't wanna be... All by myself..."

One day, I'll get my train of thought back on track, but today ain't the day.

Check with me after the pirate party.

Love,
Mom

Bash at Splash

Hey y'all -

This evening, we went to Splash Montana for a get-together hosted by Laney's school. They closed the water park to everyone but the school's kids and their families. There were water slides and spurting fountains and a poolful of happy children.

But you know who had more fun than anyone else there? A kid who doesn't even go to the school. 

It was this guy:

Squealin', splashin', kickin', gigglin'.

Love,

Mom