My Big Purple Heartbreak

Dear Laney,

I don't know how it happened - what possessed me to turn on an episode of "Barney" for the first time. I think I did it as a joke, but it backfired, because you love it. No - you're obsessed. You will watch nothing else. It's so awful it gives me a rash. I want to slap the grin off of his big purple face.

I tried to put on "The Backyardigans" yesterday, and you screamed at me. This is heartbreaking, and not just because I miss Tyrone and Uniqua and their "Jackson 5"-like ditties. No, I'm also sitting on approximately $50 in Backyardigans merchandise for your 2nd birthday party.

You have until August to adjust your attitude, young lady... because I will NOT be buying Barney plates, cups or party favors. I just can't.

Love,

Mom